Housing where are you?
03.18.08 (6:29 pm) [edit]
Still no help. I will most likely end up going to a transition house after I give birth to my child... Which isen't much better then where I am now. The transition house is mainly for women who are "escaping" from bad relationships drugs etc...I merely need a place to raise my child safe and secure...That looks like it isen't happening. I contacted yet another few places.... Still no one sitting down with me to see what can be down...Just passing along the line like always. I got a list of all the apartment complexes in my city.... However it is like 7 years out of date so it was pretty much useless. I tried calling more than half the places on the list. The vast majorities were wrong numbers or not in service. The ones I did reach had no openings or were 'age restricted' What a sad society. I would care for my child fine...If I had the housing. Yet there are people out there who for various reasons really shoulden't be raising children yet they do.
posted by: kurtmaddox (reply)
post date: 03.18.08 (9:20 pm)
You might try learning how to present your case a little better. The truth is no one OWES you a darn thing. However, there are lots of people clearly willing to help others who find themselves in difficult circumstances, whether through their own bad decision making, some situation out of their control or some combination of both.
The way you express yourself communicates to anyone who might care that you have a chip on your shoulder about something and that you are likely going to be a pain in the arse to get involved with in any other way than to just give you money without asking for any accountability on your part.
We've all needed and/or gotten help in life. There's no shame in needing assitance. This is just a situation for you to get handled and as quickly as possible. You can choose to waste energy criticizing others or you can choose to direct all your energy to solving your crisis. The most effective course of action is pretty self-evident, isn't it?
The most frustrating aspect of your dilemna is that you seem to be a good person who will take good care of your child. The frustration and resistance you are getting from others could be that they get the same vibe from you that I get from reading your blog posts -- that you present your situation as a DEMAND on the generosity of others. No rational person is EVER going to respond very well to that.
You can cry all day about how a true Christian ought to respond or how the government should be more willing to take care of you than they are of less-deserving people all you want but that ain't gonna help you get housing to raise your child, is it?
Here's what I bet you -- if you'll suck it up and start approaching the situation like someone whose willing to be and do whatever reasonable action is neccessary to take care of your child and yourself, then you'll find a workable situation in short order.
If your looking for advice by blogging about this situation publically, my advice is to do your child the biggest favor and the most lovingly courageous act you could ever give your child and allow your child to be adopted by a family you choose.
I have a very good friend who just adopted a newborn after 2 years of trying to adopt. They are stable, loving, generous and kind human beings who are going to be dream parents to their new little girl. I told everyone that this little baby just won the lottery and they don't even know that the single most important thing that will ever happen to them occurred because of the courage of the biological parents being willing to put aside their own selfish desire to raise their biological child and give their child the very best hope for a bright future.
Parents without housing and without means to support a child should not be raising children. They do, of course, all the time. The results aren't usually happy endings. You say that you've considered adoption. I implore you reconsider. If you need help finding a great support service for adoption, I will be more than glad to help.
posted by: funkadelichika (reply)
post date: 03.18.08 (9:33 pm)
Reply to: kurtmaddox
I'm sorry but when you have tried looking for apartments on your own and can't get one becuase the rent is insanly high when you have been looking for a place for months and cant find one when you have implored to so many different avenues when you have exhausted all options and still haven't gotten one shread of someone treating you decently lets see how big of a chip you will have on your shoulder. Yeah I know it sounds like I am demanding but oh geeze I am sorry if I want a place to live.... I am Not I repeat am NOT looking for a handout. I have money my boyfriend has money. He works full time I get medical ei yet we can't afford even the most moddest of rentals in our area. The fact is sometimes people who have tried there hardest have tried all different ways of getting help sometimes just fall through the cracks. Say its my fault it may be but then you are also saying that to a lot of other people in my city., I have talked to numerous social workers in my area who all agree there is a housing crisis.
I am still looking at adoption.... As much as it pains me to do so. I realize that if I cannot find suitable housing that that is the only proper alternative. I am in contact with an agency and am looking at homestudies of couples.
I am still pissed at my situation which is granted mostly my own fault in the first place well the pregnant part. Was I not pregnant however I would still be struggling with housing.
I still find it extremly sad however that if I did find housing I would be able to raise my child just fine. We could pay the bills get income assistance and be ok. There are plenty of programs in my area that offer help to mothers via food clothing toys etc..
In short I realize I have a chip on my shoulder but should that stop people from helping me? I didn't always have this chip but oh well I have it now...And I am not sure what exactly you want me to suck up... Have you ever had to give up a child by the way? Hvae you ever been in a situation such as this?
posted by: funkadelichika (reply)
post date: 03.18.08 (9:37 pm)
Oh and by the way...You don't knoe me in person...I could be approaching people totally different for all you know...Isue blogs for ranting venting getting all the crap out but that doesn't mean I act the same around people or when I am trying to get help...And If I didb't mention it before I am not asking people for money...Simply help in finding affordable housing.
posted by: kurtmaddox (reply)
post date: 03.18.08 (10:16 pm)
Reply to: funkadelichika
Got it! I really do wish you all the best. More importantly, I hope however it works out that you make the best decision for the child. Again, it doesn't really matter what you think about how other people should act because you only control your part of the equation. It's all just wasted energy.
Obviously, you and the "boyfriend" are living somewhere. Babies don't actually need much in terms of housing. A clean place with a nice crib and enough food will get you pretty far and then you can keep working hard to improve your own situation until you get the hand-up you are asking for.
You're conversation is just so comparative and complaintive. You can explain it all you want and there's no doubt your situation is difficlut. I suggest that the world is giving you feedback that your current approach needs some adjusting. It does no good to argue with the river when you aren't catching any fish. You have to either change the bait or go fish in a different river or both. You may try lots of bait and lots of rivers before you catch enough fish to survive. The only choice you have is do whatever you think of with the best attitude you can present while doing everything under your own control to improve your situation and to put yourself in a better position. You may very well not find a solution. I hope you do, but, there are millions of situations worse than the one you describe in the world and many of them will never get better. Some will. Still, you will only ever control YOU!
This isn't about you or about your choices. I'm not a moralist so I don't judge you in any way whatsoever. This is about making the most rational and responsible decisions you can make every hour of the day until you find a way to a workable solution. Very few people have the ability to focus on a goal in that way, but, the ones who do have the very best chance of anyone to bring lasting change to their personal situation.
Where do you live?
posted by: funkadelichika (reply)
post date: 03.18.08 (10:19 pm)
Reply to: kurtmaddox
I'll just reply to the last part. BC canada...I can't muster enough energy at the moment to reply to anything else...
posted by: funkadelichika (reply)
post date: 03.18.08 (10:22 pm)
Oh yeah obviously we are licing somewher but it is not suitable for a baby. The roomates we live with regularly make the place a total mess... Smoke pot...Drink etc... Were totally quiet people they on the other hand...But yeah anyways....
posted by: kurtmaddox (reply)
post date: 03.18.08 (10:29 pm)
You clearly have a very difficult situation that obviously has no easy answers. I really hope you pursue the avenue of adoption for the sake of the child. If you do, you will have taken given your child a wonderful gift. Once the child is placed in a loving home with sufficient resource and lots of love, then you can use your courageous gift to inspire you, and all who know you, including me, to commit ourselves to do better and to focus more of our own energy toward taking responsbility for our own lives.
I know nothing about Canadian support systems but I wish you the very best!
posted by: nightbreed (reply)
post date: 03.18.08 (10:37 pm)
I know what you are going through. I am living in section 8 housing and have for the past 8 years. I wished that there was something I could do to help you out. Do you not have a department of human services there??
I just read the comments by KM..please dont give your child up. I signed my daughter over to her aunt when she was 2. that was when i was going thew my divorce and didnt have a job or a roof over my head. it was and is the worst mistake i ever made.
i'll search online and see if there is anything i can find out... if i find anything i will try to tmail you the info so the whole world wont know. feel free to delete this comment if you wish...
just hang in there hun.. i know it's easy for me to say that...
posted by: funkadelichika (reply)
post date: 03.18.08 (10:42 pm)
Reply to: nightbreed
Department of human services? It may be called something different here. We have something called bc housing which is governemt which is virtually useless to me because they have nothing in the city I live in. We have welfare but I don't think I can acess that because I am already getting something called med ei... But money isen't the issue anyways... I don't know...It's known by most social workers in this area that housing can be virtually impossible for low income people to obtain...So can stable work...Like full time... Also the lack of housing in general is huge... So um yeah...Anywho thanks... I have people that have told me either way on the whole adoption thing. It is my last resort but even so I still have to plan for it just in case. I think I am getting tired though so I shall stop my rambling... :)
posted by: nightbreed (reply)
post date: 03.18.08 (10:52 pm)
Reply to: funkadelichika
the social workers jobs are to find you housing and a job full or part time. is there a job corp place near you?? they will help you find a place and help you get the training you need to find good jobs. we have one here but im too old for it and i'm massively bipolar so i cant work around a lot of people. i'd send money but i'm on a very fixed income and have a 9 year old son to raise.
my daughter hates me because i let her aunt adopt her. she is now 13 going on 14 and asks me all the time why i didnt fight for her...
try checking online for a job corp place near you... im in east tennessee (usa) i cant do much way down here and i dont really know the canadain system but i'll check more tomorrow
posted by: nightbreed (reply)
post date: 03.18.08 (10:56 pm)
"You clearly have a very difficult situation that obviously has no easy answers. I really hope you pursue the avenue of adoption for the sake of the child. If you do, you will have taken given your child a wonderful gift. Once the child is placed in a loving home with sufficient resource and lots of love, then you can use your courageous gift to inspire you, and all who know you, including me, to commit ourselves to do better and to focus more of our own energy toward taking responsbility for our own lives"
that pisses me off! he has no clue because he has money and comes from money.. he dont know crap...
i see my daughter every other day and have to put up with a ton of crap to be able to see her... the best gift of all is to hang in there and over come this and raise your child your self.. or give someone temp custody until you have a roof over your head and then get your child back.
posted by: funkadelichika (reply)
post date: 03.19.08 (7:03 am)
I am aware of both sides...I know that for people who are unable to conceive to receive a child is in short amazing....In some circumstances I believe adoption is the right way to go...But I do not believe in my circumstance it would be best for the child.... In a few months I may find stable housing then if I have given up my child I will have felt I have made a huge mistake one I will not be able to overturn. Anyways I am still considering the option and recognize that either way it is a decision I must make on my own. I have to consider what I feel is the most important thing for the child and what actually is the most important thing for the child. It's hard to judge what will be the right decision when you don't know what the future holds ...
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 03.19.08 (1:46 pm)
Perhaps the immediate, although maybe short-term, solution is to swallow pride and ask forgiveness and do whatever else is neccessary to live with someone who genuinely cares. Parents? Siblings? Uncles/Aunts/Grandparents? Somebody love you and would be willing to sacrifice a place in their home for you. Maybe you have had some heated disagreements with these persons. Maybe they would not allow you and your boyfriend to cohabit in their home. Maybe they would expect you to adjust your lifestyle/behavior in ways that you really do not like. Well, you're homeless! And you have a baby. I say do whatever it takes to take care of this child. Humility and gentleness and even submission are not bad qualities. I've found in life you sometimes have to suck-it-up and behave in a way most expedient, even when your gut makes you to behave contrarily.
And, as you do these things, I encourage you to pray. However you understand prayer to work- do it! I appreciate what Kurt has passed along. It does sound a bit harsh. Take a fishing trip through his advice, consider everything carefully, then throw out what is not good and keep the rest. Same here!
God bless you. I'm heading over to the church right now to finish preparing for midweek service. I will say a quiet prayer for you! Please keep us posted.
posted by: funkadelichika (reply)
post date: 03.19.08 (5:18 pm)
Reply to: PastorDave
Parents grandparents and siblings on both sides of our families do not have enough space nor the money to help us out. My parents barley had the money when I was growing up now they woulden't have the money or space. His parents are already in dire circumstance. His siblings are still at home. Mine doesn't have space. His grandparents don't have space or money. My grandparents don't live in the same province. Believe me if someone I knew in either family had space enough or could even squeeze us in somehwere I would take it but no one on either side of our families has space or money. People may not realize just how much I have considered in this situation... It just happens that we both have fairly poor space restricted families that can't take anyone in. Even if his or my parents could take us in though. Neither would be a suitable enviroment for a child. My mothers husband is a ...jerk to put it lightly... Anyways thank you for the thoughts prayers etc. Kurt does mention a few things worth me thinking about and I have already thought about a few of them and continue to think about others.